Kortney

CONFUSED!!!!

Tue, 31 May 2005 05:56:27 GMT

Where to begin...I guess with all the bullshit. Am I crazy for trying to get back with him again, I don't think so. Why do I rely so ehavily on what other think of me? Why does my parents/family's opinion matter so much? Why does it matter if they like who I'm with? Should it? I want so badly for them to accept Jay and I as a couple again. I don't want it to be an issue. I know things with him might not work, but I'm willing to try. I want him to get his GED, his license, and to be stable. Not to have bull shit anymore. To trust him again. Not to think everytime he goes out, hes with another girl. Is it at all possible? I want to know which way is right. Can someone point me in the right direction? Can someone just tell me what decision I'm supposed to make, and which one is right. I hate the fact that this hurts so much. I want for all the pain to go away. For everything to be right in the world again. Will it ever happen? Never, this world and life suck. I have everything made for me, why can't everything happen for the better, not the worse, and if it's for the better, why does it hurt so much? Why does it hurt when I'm not with him? Why is all that I want is to be with him, and to go back to the way things were, and to be happy again. I don't understand why life has to be so complicated to make things suck. Someone show me the way...and fast. I hate now know what I'm supposed to do, and what is right and wrong for me. But if I find someone else, would it hurt so much, would i be happy with my decision? Would I be happy with someone else? Am I "settling" for lower than I'm worth? Am I as my mom says, just getting back with him because I'm lonely? What am I supposed to do??? Anyone???

WEDDING

Sun, 22 May 2005 18:38:37 GMT

My sisters wedding was amazing!!!! The weather turned out perfectly, I sang beautifully. Jay and I officially broke up. I went to pick him up for the wedding and he wasn't there, Im gone with bull shit. I don't deserve it, I'm so much better than any of that. There is a guy somewhere out there that wants me for me and all the crazy things I do, and won't cheat on me two times in one week. I don't really get it at all, but I guess thats how the world works. My sister looked beautiful, I almost cried, but didn't. I couldn't I had to sing. But its ok, I get to move into the barn in like 3 weeks, I'm beyond excited at this point. Because It's my own place, new start, new beginning. I hate the fact that I care so much about people, because I think Jay could actually talk me into trying again with him, but Im not gonna let him. I know I deserve better. It's just convincing myself that. I have to work on it. Im having fun though,

Last night, after the wedding, me my brother his friend NOGI and my friend angela went next door to the Navy boys house. 16 navy boys...works for me. I got a little drunk. Then we went to the hotel, cause my dad had rented us the room for the night, so we went. My brother passed out on the floor and we had to get him in the bed. Then I woke up at like 4:30 and NOGI was gone, so me and Angela are searching the room with the light from our cell phones, cause we didn't want to turn the lights on and wake up Kane, so we couldn't find him, we looked around the hotel room for like 20 minutes, like looking longer was gonna make him appear or something. Anyways, so we then woke Kane up anyways to call Nogi to find out where he went, apparently, he couldn't sleep so he walked home. From fucking 202 to Washington St. Extension. GAY!!!! None the less, It all worked out. Then the Omlette Man came to my house this morning to make everyone omlettes. I don't really like eggs, but they were pretty good. All in all, the weekend was pretty good, minus breaking up with Jay the morning of Katie's wedding, that kinda sucked! Oh well, shit happens!!!

God this sucks

Thu, 19 May 2005 15:23:09 GMT

I get home from breaking up with him and everything is fine, I'm not crying, Im just pissed off thats all..I wake up and his pictures are everywhere, and it sucks. Why couldnt someone have taken them down or soemthing...I dont want to see them anymore..It hurts so bad..why? Was he really all that special to me? Apparently...I dont know what to do anymore, Im such a fucking girl..im sitting here crying over a fucking guy who fucking cheated on me, but I cheated on him, so how is it worng? I did so much more to him then he did to me, and somehow hes hurt me. He doesnt know anything about what i did, and I feel like a complete ass hole, cause he got caught and I didn't. THe whole time we were talking last night, im thinking he really didnt do anything wrong. He just kissed her...jesus, thats nothing...why did this have to happen now?? My sisters wedding is this weekend, I now have no date, and its a fucking wedding, wTF ,im gonna be sitting there crying ebcause why did it have to happen now? I have to sing at the wedding, some cheesy ass love song, that il probably end up crying through..this fucking sucks ass...someone save me from this life...

SINGLE

Thu, 19 May 2005 05:58:39 GMT

This is gay...boys suck...the trick is not to get caught, doesn't everyone know these rules?...so, i've decided its gonna take alot to get my trust this time (I say this everytime and everytime i get hurt) Is there a way to not get hurt, am I doing something unbelievably wrong??? I give up for the time being...next time, dont get caught...word of advice for everyone... PS It wasn't me who got caught either!

Dazed and Confused

Fri, 22 Apr 2005 04:54:25 GMT

I dare you to hold me
Like you never will again
Kiss me and leave the world standing still
Dare you to want to want
I dare you to need me
Like nobody else
I dare you to feel me
Like you've never felt
I dare you to want to want
To wanna be good to me

My friend wrote this...she rocks doesnt she...shes the shit..it really makes you think..thats what I want a guy to do for me...its all a possibility with the right person..how do you know whos right and whos wrong????

I wonder sometimes about my life. Did I make a wrong turn somewhere? Am I on the right track? If I made a wrong turn, wheres the lane for a U-Turn? How will I know? I want this book of life I heard about. The one that has everyone life plan in it. The one that tells you what your supposed to do with your life. I keep forgetting its not for me to see. I'm supposed to make mistakes and learn from them, but where's the fun in that. I want to get it right the first time and not have to go back and fix everything so it's how its supposed to be. Why can't life be simple, not complicated? I understand, where's the fun in that?? No one can go wrong. The world would be such a better place. If things are meant to be, they would happen. It wouldn't be like, there's no way that was supposed to happen.

I'm being deep tonight, I need to stop and get over shit. Bed time sounds like it. I have a test tomorrow in microbiology, gross, i hate that class. EWWWWW!!!!

Dragon tales and the 'Water Is Wide'
Pirate's sail and lost boys fly
Fish bite moon beams every night
And I love you

Godspeed, little man
Sweet dreams, little man
Oh, my love will fly to you
Each night on angel's wings
Godspeed
Sweet dreams

The rocket racer's all tuckered out
Superman's in pajamas on the couch
Goodnight moon, we'll find the mouse
And I love you

Godspeed, little man
Sweet dreams, little man
Oh, my love will fly to you
Each night on angel's wings
Godspeed
Sweet dreams

God bless Mommy and Matchbox cars
God bless Dad and thanks for the stars
God hears 'Amen' wherever you are
And I love you

Godspeed, little man
Sweet dreams, little man
Oh, my love will fly to you
Each night on angel's wings
Godspeed
Godspeed
Godspeed
Sweet dreams

This is my fav. song by the Dixie Chicks....I love it....

Self-Fulfilling Prophesy

Thu, 21 Apr 2005 23:20:30 GMT

Random people....

*********: So yeah like it started just me and xxxx making out in my car then ##### got in and decide my moan was hot so he started kissing on my neck.. How much d
*********: etail do you want lol
@@@@@@@: everything
@@@@@@@: all the hot details
*********: Ok im sorry if you get grossed out
@@@@@@@: haha...me? grossed out? come on...just spill the beans
*********: So xxxx is going down on me and im making out with #####
@@@@@@@: uh huh
*********: So then they switch and ##### is going down on me and im giving xxxx head
@@@@@@@: uh huh
*********: So then xxxx gets off and ##### says that doesnt look so bad cause he used to be afraid of getting head so they switch again and xxxx is going down on m
*********: e and im giving ##### head
@@@@@@@: uh huh
*********: ##### gets off finally and xxxx goes to get condoms and he gets back and he fucks me while i suck ##### again and then they switch again
*********: And thats my night
@@@@@@@: SWEET!

Who are these people??? And who do they think they are????? I don't know hahahahahahaha....

I love life right now...It's an amazing feeling to be truly happy and not really have a care in the world. My boobs are doing good. I'm like a C now, I was a DDD, which is ginormaous

"Here I am sitting on the beach again watching as the tide comes rolling in. I miss the times when I looked in your eyes, a sacrafice I made for paradise."
What have a sacraficed for paradise??? So many things when I think about it. Most of it being when I was with guys. With Harry I gave up my weekends, and my self-worth. He treated me like shit, and I let him. Jim-e, what haven't I sacraficed for him??? While I was with him, I paid for everything, I also drove down to see him basically everyday of the week. When he went to jail, I fucking visited him in CCDC, I lowered myself to go to a jail, why???Cause I thought I loved him. Jay, I don't really know what I sacraficed, or am sacraficing...I love him so much, yet I feel as if something is going wrong...I don't know how to explain it.

COME BACK

Thu, 14 Apr 2005 03:07:15 GMT

OK, so sitting here updating myself on Rachael's life in Germany I want her to come back. It's 11 o'clock on a Wednesday night, what would I be doing if she were here, out somewhere driving around doign nothing and having a ball. What am I actually doing, updating my fucking livejournal. THe thing I never update even when like someone dies and shit. I'm so pissed off. I go to FLorida in like 2 weeks, but I'll be back like like 2 days, not fucking 2 months. FUck you. Bitch. Ok, i'm sorry I love you. I just miss you alot. Jay and I are doing well...he wants to move into the barn with me when i move in there this summer. I dont know how i feel about it, but i do know that my boobs fucking hurt, and need to heal so i can go swimming and in the hot tub, and have fun. God this shit sucks. I cant have sex cause im on antibiotic and it cancels out birth control and shit like that, and i dont want no babies. I want to just have fun with my life. this shit sucks ass, bed time for sure, need sleep, want to go to bed....ARGGGGGGGG

WORD

Wed, 06 Apr 2005 17:14:05 GMT

Yes, school officially sucks. I went back today, cause I had a Microbiology test, sucked. I think I did fairly well on it however. I don't know. Skipped lab, actually, asked her if I could take it Friday instead, she understood my situation and said sure. I have Spanish now, I actually enjoy that class. Then I need to go to DMV to get the damn blazer re-registered, so its officially legal to drive. Then all my problems will go away. Well, not quite. Cause now, I have to complete this damn nursing folder, so I can get a seat in Clinicals. That means, I have to get a physical done, and then get my high school transcript sent again. Gross, I dont want to do all this shit. On top of that, I have an infection in one of my boobs, so its gross, and I have to take antibiotic which means I cant have sex, well I can but my birth conrtol doesnt work, so my chances of pregnancy go up, so I guess I'll have to use a condom...whats that again??? How do I use taht????oh yeah, i remember. ok, well...any questions???none here....

...

Mon, 04 Apr 2005 02:48:01 GMT

Ok, so i should update this thing more often...Katie and Mike bought a house, I get to move into the barn in JUNE, right in time for my b-day, party at my place!!!! Other than that, my boobs hurt, or lack there of...(percocets rock, by the way) life sucks otherwise, boring..school starts again tomorrow, im not going, cant, doc says no...its all good...4 weeks left of school...YAY...summer time and the livings easy...hahhahahaha

ARGGGGG

Wed, 23 Mar 2005 21:58:42 GMT

Dude, I miss Rachael so much...ITS SO BORING IN DELAWARE!!! There is absolutely nothing to do....GRRR come back....

WOW!!!!

Fri, 04 Feb 2005 00:30:42 GMT

So, I haven't posted on here since my birthday! Odd. I just noticed it as i randomly decided to check this thing. Interesting.....

Today

Sun, 06 Jun 2004 21:30:24 GMT

Today is my birthday! I am now officially 19 years old. This apparently is a useless birthday, the only real thing it does for me is get me one year closer to being 21. Yay for that. Well, yes, this has been an exciting day. I woke up, ate breakfast, sat in the hot tub for a while. Then I took a shower and that has been my day. I got a trip to NY for me and 3 friends from my parents. We're going on the 19 and 20 of June. Im super excited! We're seeing RENT. Im more excited about that then anything else. YES! Anyways, Im tired, Im gonna watch a movie and sleep. Yes, the conclusion of my birthday!

Guys

Thu, 08 Apr 2004 05:51:49 GMT

I've decided that once you fuck something up with a guy, it all goes down hill from there. I mean, you have everything you need besided the title, and you screw things up. WHY? Because women are complicated, I'm complicated. I complicate everything. I just needed more. I was around a cute couple and I wanted what they had, but i couldn't have it, so I stopped going down there. Now Im going down there again, and I want him back. Just back in my life. I dont know if there is a way for that. I mean, we're friends now, and yeah, we "get together" every once in a blue moon. But, i want what we had before. Me sleeping over his place every weekend, me in his bed every weekend. With his arms around me. Thats what I want. BUT I FUCKED IT UP! "Here I am sitting on the beach again watching as the tide comes rolling in. I miss the times when I lookes in your eyes, a sacrafice I made for paradise." I got this quote from one of my roomies in Cali, it suits me well! Well, goodnight to one and all!

YO

Tue, 23 Mar 2004 02:55:11 GMT

So, I told Harry I don't want to see him anymore. This was a good decision. Yes, more on that later. Otherwise nothing new!

Yes

Sat, 13 Mar 2004 21:55:50 GMT

So, its been a long ass time since i've even looked at this thing. I guess things get busy and you stop doing things. School is going great, and life is good. Yes, i'll write more later!

WEIRD

Sun, 29 Feb 2004 06:17:21 GMT

So, tonight I decide to invite my friend Cathi over to Harry's to meet Harry's friend Justin. So, yeah. All is well, except she is supposed to go home, but she isn't. I'm tired, he's tired. Yes, so, thats life. Anyways, so, I'm tired and want to go to bed. Anyways...Yes, tired. Theo is awesome. He is Harry's friend from Virginia. He's really funny. Anyways, yes. I'm gonna end up going to be soon. LOL!

Interesting....

Sat, 28 Feb 2004 07:09:04 GMT

So, I babysat tonight. That was fun. My brother came with, which was fun. He knows nothing about kids. Its great comedy. Then I get a call from Harry telling me his friend Theo came up. SO, then I decide to come down to Maryland. So, now I'm here. Theo is great, and life is good. Besides that nothing else is really new! Everything is peachy! Yesh! OKedoki, bed time for me!

-Kortney

HMMM

Sun, 22 Feb 2004 19:22:14 GMT

So, I find it interesting that Joey decides i'm not a friend anymore. I guess its because all I do on here is talk about harry and how great he is, and I guess Joey doesnt want to hear that. Also, probably because we dont talk at all anymore. I don't really care, it's his decision. So, this past weekend I actually stayed at Harry's by myself for the most part. It was kinda weird because I have a key and all to his house. My brother came down on Saturday night, and they talked motors and welding and cars and it was tons of fun. But i decided that after listening to them talk about cars for like 3 hrs I'd go to bed. So, at 1:30 i went to bed. That was my fun weekend. It was a blast! And thats me in a nutshell. Mike's (my sisters bf) family is coming to my house to meet my family. Its the first meeting of the two families. It should be interesting to see how it all goes!
-Kortney

lol

Fri, 20 Feb 2004 15:05:33 GMT

Your future occupation by meteoric
Your name
Your future occupation	Graphic Artist
Yearly income	$522,458
Hours per week you work	49
Education	High school dropout

Created with quill18's MemeGen 2.0!

GRRRR

Wed, 18 Feb 2004 14:34:20 GMT

Why is it that I'm a fucking douch when it comes to foreplay? I know no one wants to know this. But its the truth. Untill I get really comfortable with someone, I'm a douch. I sit there and just fuck around and so absolutly nothing. Its cool. I guess a little part of me is still scared of the penis. Why? I have no clue, and I'd like to know...LOL! If someone figures this out, let me know. HAHAHA! Well, I have my personal trainer today. This kinda sucks, because my car is a buttmunch, and wont work, and Im at Harry's in bumblefuck Maryland. It's only like 30 min from my house, if my car works. But it wont. Well, it will, i just dont feel like going 35 miles an hour on 95 or 495 (the highway). Harry says its like the 02 sensor or something. Also, my #1 head is shot, and my #3 looks like its cracked. So, basically, I just have to get in into the shop, so it will work again. Why is it that I like guys who know about cars? I guess its cause I like cars too. Who knows? Not me! Well, Im gonna go get in my angry car, and attempt to get home. If all else fails....Ill die! No ill just pull over and have someone come get me. But, see yous alls lata!

~Kortney

DINNER

Wed, 18 Feb 2004 06:35:05 GMT

Harry met the folks tonight. That was fun...NOT! Anyways, im off to bed. I thought Id write in here before heading to bed. NIGHT ALL!

AHHHHH

Tue, 17 Feb 2004 00:08:56 GMT

So, tomorrow night is dinner at Kortneys house where Kortneys family meets Harry. Nerve wrecking, yes! LOL. Im really nervous because its just a big deal i guess. I dunno, they always find some way of embarrassing me. But its cool, I guess. I have to go pick him up after school, then we come up for dinner, then we go back to his place. It'll be special. lol. I guess i dunno if Im staying at his place that night, because I dont know if he'll ever want to see me again. LOL. NO, im sure i am. He'll find my family amuzing. At least someone will. LOL. Its cool. Well, im unbelievably full, mom made meatloaf for dinner. But anyways. IM gonna go play Solitaire. YAY!
-Me

Best Weekend ever?

Sun, 15 Feb 2004 17:22:19 GMT

This past weekend could have quite possibly been the best one ever. First of all, I had a test in A&P on thursday then right away the next day a lab test. So, I was a bit stressed out. But I got both of them back on Friday, and i got and 86 on the regular test and a 100 on the lab test. Im doing so well its surprising. Then I went to Harrys house. He treats me so nice. It was fun, we went into Newark to check out the racing scene, he races. LOL. Its alot of fun. I have so much fun with him and we talk about pretty much everything. I mean, it works well for now. We'll see how it gets in the future. Well, i just got home today on sunday after spending both friday and saturday night at his place. Well, see ya all. Im gonna go take a shower!

WOOHOO

Fri, 13 Feb 2004 16:26:50 GMT

yay so tonight i get to stay at Harry's. well, yes, im excited about this. i get to stay at harrys for a whole night. One more time, a whole night! I dunno. Something about him is just really cool. i guess i dunno. we talked about the whole dating thing, and we both agreed to stay as we are now. so thats a cool thing too. i miss my evy. more than i can possibly say. taking anatomy doesnt help because she was my partner for that class. i love her so much, and i realize that without her in my life i can never be happy. cheesy, yes! lol, but its cool. i mean, shit, she is my best friend, like lauren. i cant live without her either. she is my source of drama on the east coast. LOL! it rocks my world. my life is not complete without laurens drama. today is a day of realizing what my life would be like without certain people. my sister, lol, my life would be so dull without her. she is seriously awesome. last night i went out to her barn and she told me all this different stuff about guys, and giving head, and weird shit, we've never talked about that stuff before. shes gonna be getting married eventually, and then she wont be all mine. LOL..ill have to share her. Is this weird, yes. But i love the guy, so hes cool too. He kinda quiet but its ok. we all played trivial pursuit the other day, and hes a genius when it comes to that stuff, it was amazing. well to all those folks i cant live without- thanks for being in my life!

Yes

Tue, 10 Feb 2004 00:50:43 GMT

LOL, im at Harry's Ill write more when i get home...HAHAHA.....Talk to you all later